Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
