i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Pooping to opera.
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