literally had 100 drinks last night.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
