K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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