i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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