My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
