1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i wish my penis had a tongue
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
