Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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