Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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