Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Randomize
