shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
