My friends, they love my intelligence
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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