I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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