Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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