I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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