I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
