dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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