I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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