True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
