Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize