don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
