Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
