you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
