you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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