I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
