i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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