if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
