hell yes lets make some ravioli
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
