It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
