nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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