dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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