don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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