South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
