Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
