Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize