I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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