don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
