Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
