Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
