I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
