she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
