you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
