just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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