I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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