i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
