Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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