after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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