im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
