I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
did i just pee glitter