The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT