at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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