I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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