I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies