I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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