Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You just made me feel so damn special
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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