everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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