Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I need to stop coming to work sober
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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