If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
