By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
