im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
