Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
