I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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