There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
