He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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