i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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