Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
