You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
