His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
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I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
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I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I deserve this hangover.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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