I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
