its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize