I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
