Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
