I want to make a zoo with you.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
