he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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