What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
