what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
