I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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