Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
