you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
