Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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